Monday, March 26, 2012

Full House, Full Memories

Disclaimer: this one’s gonna be pretty stream of consciousness.

FULL HOUSE was a show that ran in the early 90s about a widowed sportscaster and his three daughters. Four people is not very full, you might say, but there was also a stand up comedian for babies in the basement and a Greek exterminator/Jon Bon Jovi wannabe in the attic. Occasionally the neighbor girl that everybody hated came by too. But wait!


Greek Bon Jovi also later married a lady sportscaster and had twin boys! Now the house was really pretty full.

The madness of San Francisco!

I have some very vivid memories of FULL HOUSE, as this was one of my preteen must-watches. At one point I was very conflicted because some bastard had programmed it right up against the MIGHTY MORPHIN’ POWER RANGERS, and I was only able to watch this on Wednesdays.

I remember my mother angrily demanding to know whether or not Lady Sportscaster ever had to clean cuz LOOK AT HER in her spotless white clothes FFFFFFFFFFFF

I remember Greek Bon Jovi having a big hit in Japan with a song about the youngest daughter of Guy Sportscaster. But when they got to Japan they never showed anything but the hotel room, which was distinctly low-rent for a show that had totally gone to Hawaii and Disney world previously.

What a classic!

Speaking of the DisneyWorld episode, the plot was that Michelle cut in front of the line at something, stealing Stephanie’s (the middle sister) title of Princess For The Day. A big ass Genie from ALADDIN popped up and everything, and it was totally shot on location. I remember thinking this all very unfair to the other kids at the park, since Michelle and Stephanie were already on Full House, so leave some cool stuff for the plebe kids, huh?

JOEY GLADSTONE – hoo boy. The comedian who lives in the basement and whose entire range of material consists of either Popeye impersonations, Rocky & Bullwinkle impersonations and this:

I mean, I’m pretty sure babies can’t go to comedy clubs cuz they’re all open way past their bedtimes.

DJ, the oldest daughter had a boyfriend named Steve. He voiced Aladdin in the Disney movie, and he was also dressed up as Aladdin when they went to Disney World. That was a pretty good in-joke.

I remember a Full House episode where Danny promises DJ an appearance by McHammer, which the crowd finds uproarious and Uncle Jesse has to haughtily corrected him with "It's EMM SEE Hammer!" Scandalous behavior for a mid 90s gentleman! PLEASE HAMMER DON’T HURT ‘EM indeed.

But you could also learn stuff on Full House! It was where I learned who Little Richard and the Beach Boys were.

Greek Bon Jovi wasn’t always Greek though. Before he was Jesse Katsopolis, he was Jesse Cochran. I have no idea why that change happened. Post it in the comments below! He became super Greek after that, inviting several of his relatives from the old country to The Full House. There was a grampa that conveniently died so we could learn about death, and CUSSIN STAVROS (hilariously played by John Stamos himself), a sleazy Balki/Borat hybrid who got handsy with Lady Sportscaster so we could learn about sexual harassment. I think maybe Jesse punched him which, if he did, no doubt got a WOOOOOOOOOOOOO reaction from the studio audience.

Stephanie’s catchphrase pre-puberty was HOW RUDE like Jar Jar Binks. Toddler Michelle may also have had one but I only remember her swaggerin’ out of the room, leaving the audience in absolute hysterics.

The three bachelors sang Elvis Presley’s My Teddy Bear as a lullaby.

My memory of the last episode is Steve picking up DJ for senior prom, but that feels so anticlimactic it can’t be true. Which is of course a perfect place to end this post!

1 comment:

  1. So nostalgic, good jerb!
    Don't forget about The Who & Danny singing "My Generation" in leather.